S E X

LE1T WITH A WUT VID

 

Le1f - Wut (Official Video) from Sam Jones on Vimeo.

I never realised that a video with a black dude twerking would turn me on. am i a creep? i believe so but fuck it, le1f is fucking hot, man. GOD DAMMMIT.  everything about this video is life. i know he is gay but i would fuck him without any hesistation.

Tulisa Talks

First of all

YES I KNOW I HAVE BEEN D.O.A

but as it happens im better now

so you are stuck with me. :P

since Monday a sex tape (well not really a sex tape its , just mobile footage of #howtonotgiveablowjob) of Tulisa from n -dubz (sorry i dont know how to spell her last name) and DJ Ultra (don't really know who he is apart from something on channel a.k.a yonks ago)

i wont put the link the the 'sex tape' u because i am going to try and not post gross things for this month #itsLent

that and the fact is i don't agree with guys doing that-

to me it is definitely a bitch move

i will tell you why

1. whilst you were dating her before or after she was famous you didn't post shit like this about her

2. even though i am most definitely NOT a fan of n-dubz, clearly this girl tried to help your career in a way that most people wouldn't , she had enough respect for you as her 'man' to get her cousin to help you get more exposure

3. if you had a video like that why not just keep it to yourself? or delete it, you and your wonky willy are in it too, Tulisa is getting all this shade thrown at her only because she is on a different level of fame to you

XXBYRON

LUST

stole this of dorsa's twitter. one word. JIZZ.

[Ludacris]
Hear the sound of your body drip, drip, drip
As I kiss both sexy lips, lips, lips
Hear the sound of your body drip, drip, drip
As I kiss both sexy lips, lips, lips

I aint afraid to drown, if that means I’m deep up in your ocean, yeah
Girl I’ll drink you down, sipping on your body all night
I just wanna take your legs an’ wrap them round
Girl you cummin’ right now
My head to your chest feeling your heartbeat girl
Swimming all in your sea
And you sweatin’ all over me
Girl, lean forward, don’t you run girl
I don’t want to be a minute man
Baby your just like a storm
Rainin’ on me girl, your soakin’ wet

ooooo, whoaaaaaaa

[Chorus]
I’ma kiss you right, yea, yeah
I’m gon lick all night, yea, yeah
Girl, when I’m inside yea, yeah
Yeah girl, you heard what I said
I’m gonna make you wet the bed
Yea yeah
Girl I’m gonna make you wet the bed
Yea yeah
I’m gonna make you wet the bed
I’mma put your legs behind your head
I’m gonna make you wet the bed

You don’t know what you in for
Bout to get into your mental, huh
Bend you back like its limbo
I’m gon make you feel like a Nympho
Tonight (ooooh) your mine, baby girl, uhhhh

Anytime you want it
I’m ready and willin’ gotta give it
I start to lick on your body
You go to trembling
Move around girl, let me get it from the side
And can I visit all those spots you like
Your neck, your back, your sexy lips
booty and thighs

I dont want to be a minute man
Baby your just like a storm
Rainin’ on me girl, your soakin’ wet
yea, yeah

[Chorus]
I’ma kiss you right, yea, yeah
I’m gon lick all night, yea, yeah
Girl, when I’m inside yea, yeah
Yeah girl, you heard what I said
I’m gonna make you wet the bed
Yea yeah
Girl I’m gonna make you wet the bed
Yea yeah
I’m gonna make you wet the bed
I’mma put your legs behind your head
I’m gonna make you wet the bed

[Ludacris]
I’ma make your body wetter than ever
We’ll get together you could tell as soon as I approach her
When you feelin’ uptight get it right
Don’t fight, lightin up like Sammy Sosa
Women call me the super soaker
And I’ma soak your bed to death
(don’t stop, huh, huh)
How long can you hold you breath, uhh
A-a-asthma attackin’
Waking up, wondering what happened
Makin’ me hot like Toni Braxton
You can’t deny you wanna break my back in, two
What you wanna do, look at you with your birthday suit, suit, suit, suit
The forcast said it’s cloudy tonight
And I’ma have your body like bloo, bloo, bloo, bloo

[Chorus]

[Ludacris]
Hear the sound of your body drip, drip, drip
As I kiss both sexy lips, lips, lips
Hear the sound of your body drip, drip, drip
As I kiss both sexy lips, lips, lips

I'm in love with nerdy white bread american boys

ok...ok... so i know i just did a math post but i realllly reaally love this guy

i fucking love this song, so much....the lyrics are genius

i think i'm quickly merging into a possible sex offender..... i will be waiting t the school gate for anyone with a bowl cut, thick rimmed glasses and

the blank look in their eyes that screams.......

"virgin"

alhough my heart is united colours of benneton and i am a black-moor lady

this offer of sexual deviance is only available to "white bread" American virgins, i will take Asian, but only east Asian and uber nerdy not cool Japanese Asians, i want CHINESEASY!!!!!

XX BYRON

"you dont know how to give head?? pretend it's a banana"- theladybyron

Thanks, nice animal monkey person. now i know how to give head. im still sceptical about the germs and the fact the male genital is that..ermm attractive... but thanks anyway.


Much love,
the society of teenage girls who would probably cry if they give head.

OOOOH, Ester Baxter Lord have mercy!

it's advised to DO ME to this song, safe innit.

Stop Starring at my Kitty Kat.....

MEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOWW!

XX BYRON

Anal Anyone?

My friend wrote this on her flatmates Door, cos she's such a Kneeler

That Said

I can show you a good time

But i gotta finish my marketing degree first so Hold the cheese.

XX BYRON

Sheath Thy dagger

Dear Beautiful Man,

see baby all those flute lessons taught me how to blow, betchya i can play 'Fur elise' on your twizzle ? Bible camp taught me soo much, especially father Ronson. He said "now ,now byron, god doesn't like things sloppy so blow constructively and swallow"

So we can do it at my house butt naked,you can mount me whilst we watch 'Maury' on living plus. Be sure to last the hour otherwise it will be embarrassing for both of us and i wont fake a sex face just to massage your Ego .

So 10 am right ? in Peckham and remember butt naked, shoes no socks. OK? Now that your'e done molesting me. Is that a snake in your pants or are you just happy to see me? I am sure we can cum to some agreement?

xx Byron

Yes Mom, i'll marry a nice Jewish boy

I am in love with borgore and the drop on this is dirtier than having an orgy with Spongebob ,whilst watching Megan good take a shit in a pub full of queers.

act like a hoe but first DO THE DISHES!

oh and he is a nice JEWISH boy,can i marry him mom?..PLEAAAASE !!!

How much is that Phat Ass in the window?

Woman if i were a Man ,and you were locked in a room with me .

you would surely

DIE!

this girls arse is soo Cushy i want to lie my head on it and use it as a duvet for my double bed.

I mean

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

you can bake bread on that back off!

the models in this pic names as follows

Bernice Burgos & Bria Myles

LORD HAVE MERCY THESE WOMEN ARE FUCKING FIT AND WOULD GET IT

BYRON XX

NO im not a VIRGIN, i use my CAHONAS

Why Wont you just leave me alone?!!!

Dear Mr.Jay -to-the-izzo,

you and your devil music has put me into a trance and if i hear on to the next on one more time, i think i will be first in line to get a chip implanted into my hand or head. i try to resist but the beats are just "mind control", beyonce is just your #hotwitchjujujslave and my brain is just your humble vessel in which your masonic chants reside in.

lots of love and satan ;)

theladynotyetmason

p.s. enough with the 3's already I know your a mason and right now i'm having an illuminati party

Keep your chastity belt on

i really really really, envy "pure folk" aka VIRGINS. why..? i hear you ask, i'll tell you why.

previous to my de-flowering (haha african term) i had very optimistic hopes about SHEX. i thought "this is going to be the making of me"(literally) there is no way in hell a guy this hot would be crap at SHEXING...OH if only someone had told me how wrong i would be.

firstly he turned off the music, WHY the hell would you do that? OK i love you, you love me but that doesn't mean that i want the sound of your heavy breathing to be my first memory of intercourse (scarred for life)

after foreplay he then decided to quicken things up by not giving me sufficient lip service, not that all of 5 minutes was good anyway, i got better head when i was 15.

and after after i was numb from embarrassment and shame ,he then proceeded to fuck me,as we fucked i kept thinking of what my mate had said" don't fuck white dicks, cos you cant bounce on them" its was completely TRUE and for what seemed like an hour, but i checked my watch it i was 25 minutes of thrusting and grunts.he dropped me twice and i banged my head leaving me with a huge KOKO

IT WAS SHIT. like UBER SHIT. i can honestly say that i didn't know what he was doing but i just felt like a dead fish .

why does porn make everything look so appealing ? then i had the feeling that if it wasn't for me cycling him then the whole encounter would have been fruitless.

all in all it was a lame experience that i didn't care to repeat and if we weren't in a relationship i don't think i ever would have looked his dick in the eye again, in two and a half years we only had Amazing sex twice,the rest was less than mediocor and quite frankly dissapointing JOSHUA!

Fly me to the moon

Dear,Eric&Tim

i sometimes find, that you are too physical with me, so i have locked you in your room with only a video camera, some acid and flying lotus on repeat for a week.

i hope you stop playing with your flourecent dick

Love .your LadyByron

XX

Directed by Eric Wareheim (Tim & Eric) in association with Warp Records and Warp Films. Music by Flying Lotus. Co Directed/ Animation by Devin Flynn. Co Directed/ Edited by Eric Fensler. More info at dancefloordale.com

THE FEMININE WILDE!

How to RUIN .....SEX

We all know Smexxxing is fun, its lovely, its amazinglyyyy especially when your in that moment but theres things that can KILL that moment, you know like a little clash, think of the apocalpse.YUP!

When giving head never say the word "deepthroating" "ahh babe do you like me deepthroating yah?" it will CLASH,because you CANNOT use that word as a continuous verb and its just weird.just shurrrup and suck that banana.eurghhhhhh. btw: I WILLL NEVER GIVE ANYONE HEAD, i was just advising you girls.

NEVER in anyform use food as a prob during sex because knowing me , ill just get bare distracted by the plantain and forgot about the buff guy that lying with me.Make you sure you find out what the girl is allergic before you starts feeding and stuff, she just MIGHT be lactose intolerant or allergic to wheat, haha imagine that.Killing ure gyal whilst you were just making a romantic gesture.

Ohh a family member dying or just just found out ure dad is in hospital just become your about CLIMAXXXXXX , is a PARRRR,bcuz if you did eventually cum knowing ure family member was in hospital,you'd feel guilty, well i would.

I actually hate the idea of roleplaying, i actually got a b in gcse drama soo it wouldnt be a problem,but the worst would be roleplaying with a girl who BAREE SHITT at acting and she's like "DOOO YOU WANT ME TO DOCTORING URE COCK or something crap like that* in a shitty russian slash nigerian accent. PARGAS!

NEVER CRY during sex,ahhhh, ok, its an exception its ure first time and you FEEL like a car is being push into you and FOR GUYS# if you cry i will slap you!

I would actually CRINGGGEEEE if everything was going great and stuff and all i heard was " YEAHH NIGGGAAA I WANNA FUCKK U UP THE ARSE,U FUCKING BITCHH,etccc" ermmm pls dont i know its romanticand aparently acceptable to be sexist and a teeny weeny bit racist during a BANG! but if you call me a nigga or a bitch i WILL SHANK YOU with a plantain #fact


Ps: never shit on a girl thinking ure romantic, have sex during her periods(if u were a vampire),START begging her to wipe with a frying pan or belt(BECAUSE you will regret it after the sex)