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THAT "LIGHTIE GUY" IS LENGG,shame his like 15.PAR!

"My Tesco brings all the mums to the yard & they're like "Do you have a clubcard?"

I've Just Been Chased By THREE DOGS!!!!

If you know me at all...You'd know that once your not a human being we can't be friends.  

NAAHHH!  I just cant believe in you...! NOPE!!

Hamsters, Gerbles, Rats, Donkeys, Goats...the like

Never! Just forget it!

So yea, Imagine this,

Its yesterday night...

Its late...

I'm standing in Brixton waiting for my bus home.  Due to the fact that green lane is closed... 

(If your lost when it comes to green lane don't worry...Just follow!...And maybe get out abit more..) 

...I can take more that just the one 250, I can also take the 109, which is a tad more frequent.  

So, yea... Brixton!  And o wow...theres the 109.  So obviously Ive got on it...and now im sitting down.  Somewhere in the journey theres a really REALLY smelly cat lady type woman and I'm just dying so I get off. 

It was only like a stop before the stop I should of got off.  But the smell was too much for me.. I'm not usually that bad when it comes to these kind of things but it was SOOO horrible.  And one thing in this life I can't seal with is bad smells!

But anyway thats SO not what I'm supposed to be talking about!

Back to the story....

I'm walking now...I've been walking for about 8 minutes...And I'm nearly home.

Then...As I turn a certain corner...I see a man.

No problem there..Just a black man on a dark night aged about 33, Yea...Thats fine.  

But you see...The problem is the fact that running in front of him are 3 puppies! 


Thats a big problem.

Because thay looked like this... 

If your crazy, your tying to think that that thing is cute...Yea, I don't like you at this moment!!!

Because I'm looking at a murderer right there! Something with the capability of just gobbling me up!!!!

*Takes a calming breath*

Ok, so...Yea. Ive seen these devils running at these guys feet... n they've seen me! 


Obviously I've stopped walking, because I just dont want any trouble,  But one of the dogs are making intimidating sounds at me!!


Obviously I kno that this is gonna be eventful. And I'm just looking at the man.  You know, for a bit of moral support or something.

So he's making noises at his things!! And they're listening to him.  But I already know, that because these things are puppies they're not as tamed or trained! Basically theyre just killers!

In the hope that this guy knows what he's doing I've started walking now...

And yeah!......One of the devils has now decided that, No, I dont really want to focus on my owner...I wanna focus on you...


I'm walking now,  But the devil is roaring at me! And so are his 2 demon brothers!!


And now, your chasing me!





I am now running for my life!!!! Because behind me are 3 devils trying to ake my life from me....


In a very peacful unfazed tone may I add...

"Don't run, Stop running...Don't run!"

ALRIGHT!  So, I'm running like a jamacian, my hats just fallen of...And now I've just made a loud sound!...something to the effect of..."AHHHHHH!!!!"

Yeah! I've actually just gone..."AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Now, I'm embarrassed because I've just gone "AHHHH",  as I'm getting chased by 3 devils. And then to top it all of....I'm actually now jumping onto a bonnet of a car!  Yes I am...

Not only Have I just jumped onto a car but I'm now sliding off and holding on for dear life, because I don't know if I'm sliding into a dogs mouth, I don't know If it can get me up here and obviously I've just made a loud sound!

Its late...

Its a quiet road!

I'm standing on someones car....

My hat is on the floor back there....


I've just been chased by three dogs!

And I'm alive!

Ive just been chased by three dogs!!


Ive just been chased by three dogs!


Incase you were abraod or youd been hibernating for months, i previously caught up with my most aaamaziglist mate adele last month .anyhooooo im back here with her discussing bruce almighty,my mums NOT HOT food and something about her stepping in a puddle.

Wang/funmi: Alrightey amiga whats been going down??
Adele:not much reallly life is being quite dry,like ur mums chiken...
oohhh i went there
Wang/funmi:EXCUSE ME *gasps*,whats wrong with my mums chicken?
Adele:haha? nothing, except its lack in moisture
, oh i joke!goooosh.ur mum makes luvly food :)
Wang/funmi:Thank you,her food is a lil bit spicy though
my nose was drripping, i was crying, i went temporarly deaf!...ha ha ha nt realy
Wang/funmi:baby,baby,cry cry baby..wha whahahhahhaha
Adele:ha ha !
i can imagine u saying it
in ur witch voice
aka ur normal voice
but today started off shit
but got Great
Wang/funmi:oh lal a
i stepped in a puddle :(
thats how u know God has a sense of humour
Wang/Funmi:God is hilariussssss,
Morgan freeman.
Wang/funmi:Bruce almighty was actually great film
Adele:he is gorg!
yh bruce is good too
bam !
u skirt is up over ur face bitch!
oh yeah
fear my rath!
Wang/funmi:i love make believe comedy movies about God!
Adele:scooby doo..
Wang/funmi: scooby who?
scooby doo!
any way
then some one ! ..(lissandro). put water on my chair and i sat on it
my bum was wet for like... 10 mins
its not a good look
and THEN
we(her class) had a presentation to do
only 1 other person showed up!
out of 5 !

i was sooooooo embarest
we had to present it to the first years

London Fashion Week!!HELLO MENSWEAR!

(photos courtesy of )


Soo its been the News recently that the staff from number 10 downing stret have been calling the anti bullying helpline saying they feel stress that basically they are getting bullied or feeling intimated and bullied by gordon brown??GORDON BROWN?? really. i know when he tries to smile he comes across creepy and a teeny bit like a paedophile but FAHK.its not he fault he has wonky eye. EYE RACISTS! ALSO I believe that swarmy actually rather friendly gordon brown can bully a fly.YES? i can understand why people want any excuse to get him out of number 10 but really and truly the collapse of the economy wasnt his fault..IT WAS HIS RASSCLARRRT STAFF who are COMPLAINING.they were the ones who left all oure bank statements and details on the circle line tarin, they wwere the ones who spent £2,000 for their dog sash to get a manicure,etc.the list is endlessss.soo if any one try teels me tha gordon brown is a bully ILL HIT YOU WITH MY POKEMON CARD.OK????? GORDON BROWN is my best friend innit..brlaaaaap. actually its not really but if you wanna boot him from his prime minister you probably need a better excuse....if he was alien swarmINGy scot?? that might be a visable excuse

I had a dream...

that Alex turner was touching me up then he took me to tesco and bought me a jam doughnut then he started to sing this song(video below) to me to show me his love and then i started to cry(bcuz i hate the song) and he then sang more ..patted my head and made me pancakes!


RAAAAAAAAAA RATTTAAA! ello gello meeello. i want introduce you lot Sara willis , deemed as the new glamour model on the scene,well hopefully. Can i just say SHE HAS AMAZING BOOOBS. 32 GG!! FAHK! yes! no no surgeryy people..ALL NATURALE.THANK FUCK FOR THAT. *gasps*
I know how you lot are just pervs soo feel free to waaaaaaankk over the pics and bare in mind YOU WILL be hearing her name EVERYWHERE!(dont say i didnt tell ya)but just soo you know that sara is MINEE(soo dont try to chirpse her innit),she's my older POIVERTED sister from another orientated mother.

she joked "I love getting my wangers out and getting paid for it. Simple as that really! Haha if Chris Brown reads it I will actually let him beat me." ahhhhhh ok she said i shouldnt put that bit in..but if chris brown you are READING THIS . Sara will infact sex you.!Perv on her photos and drink some coffee innit or just do some stalking on
her twitter



This is probably this best picture to describe i look like now, im sooooo piss off im actually boiling. IT TOOK ME THREE HOURS TO GET FROM WESTFIELD/SHEPHERDS BUSH TO WANDWORTH
because my rassclarrttt 220 bus couldnt be bothered to actually come to my stop.why???? because the guy was probably getting wank off by a polish builder.GGGHADHSLKMKMLCL;
AND AFTERRRRRR actually waiting years foirteh bus, i was on the bus, actually smiling, thinking thank fuck, im on my wayy home but NO,aparently A RUSSIAN TRAMP had sneak his way onto the bus without paying and he refused to get off therefore the bus driver refused to continue the journey.hjsdmznmznxmn ,m,.m I WAS LIKE " GERRRRR OFF THE BUS PLS YOU RUSSIAN TRAMP, I WILL BUY YOU IN PLANTAIN, I JUST WANNNA GET HOME AND SEE MY MUMMY" whilst crying and pulling out my extensions in my hair.
Cut story short, im home and i need to drink tea to get my blood pressure back to normal .

Keep your chastity belt on

i really really really, envy "pure folk" aka VIRGINS. why..? i hear you ask, i'll tell you why.

previous to my de-flowering (haha african term) i had very optimistic hopes about SHEX. i thought "this is going to be the making of me"(literally) there is no way in hell a guy this hot would be crap at SHEXING...OH if only someone had told me how wrong i would be.

firstly he turned off the music, WHY the hell would you do that? OK i love you, you love me but that doesn't mean that i want the sound of your heavy breathing to be my first memory of intercourse (scarred for life)

after foreplay he then decided to quicken things up by not giving me sufficient lip service, not that all of 5 minutes was good anyway, i got better head when i was 15.
and after after i was numb from embarrassment and shame ,he then proceeded to fuck me,as we fucked i kept thinking of what my mate had said" don't fuck white dicks, cos you cant bounce on them" its was completely TRUE and for what seemed like an hour, but i checked my watch it i was 25 minutes of thrusting and grunts.he dropped me twice and i banged my head leaving me with a huge KOKO
IT WAS SHIT. like UBER SHIT. i can honestly say that i didn't know what he was doing but i just felt like a dead fish .
why does porn make everything look so appealing ? then i had the feeling that if it wasn't for me cycling him then the whole encounter would have been fruitless.
all in all it was a lame experience that i didn't care to repeat and if we weren't in a relationship i don't think i ever would have looked his dick in the eye again, in two and a half years we only had Amazing sex twice,the rest was less than mediocor and quite frankly dissapointing JOSHUA!

Fly me to the moon


i sometimes find, that you are too physical with me, so i have locked you in your room with only a video camera, some acid and flying lotus on repeat for a week.
i hope you stop playing with your flourecent dick

Love .your LadyByron


Directed by Eric Wareheim (Tim & Eric) in association with Warp Records and Warp Films. Music by Flying Lotus. Co Directed/ Animation by Devin Flynn. Co Directed/ Edited by Eric Fensler. More info at

HAPPY VALENTINESSSS!(dont be emo singletons)

If your a relationship, kudos to you. dont fahk it up,bcuz i tend to do that.I know all your single ladies will be like gagging and stuff but heyyy you all know you'd rather be in relationship rather than preaching that i wanna-be-independence-malarky

thats me, i can NEVER bring myself to say "i love you" onlyyy in written form.only.
ist soo weird i had plan out what i was gonna say in this post but its all gone over my head now. Basically dont sabotage anything good you have going on. you see me, i WOULD love to be with a guy(certain guy) but voila i tend to sabotage things, just ask my mate ruth from secondaryu she'll tell you. soo ive come to the conclusion that ill be lonely probably living with cats and depressed goldfishes but if you have something going right now. thank fuck. but in the words of amer , food things happen to those who wait.MEH!

"...He produced some of the most beautiful, shocking images in the history of fashion..."

So sadly, Today the news hit....that Lee McQueen (Alexander McQueen) committed suicide.  

WANG will never really have many mellow moments,  But I think now is a very appropriate...

The "bad-boy of London fashion" was found dead yesterday after apparently hanging himself.

Not much to say is there really...

Just leaves you thinking.... 

And the thought is always the same... A very loud and resounding.  WOW! 

Then.  Nothing....

The Alexander McQueen website reads:

"On behalf of Lee McQueen's family, Alexander McQueen today announces the tragic news that Lee McQueen, the founder and designer of the Alexander McQueen brand has been found dead at his home. At this stage it is inappropriate to comment on this tragic news beyond saying that we are devastated and are sharing a sense of shock and grief with Lee's family.

Lee's family has asked for privacy in order to come to terms with this terrible news and we hope the media will respect this."

Lets hope they do...

So erm... in not saying to many words...

There we have it.  

Just expect to see these babies....


"The news that Alexander McQueen has killed himself is particularly devastating because it always felt to me like he’d be the last man standing." -

funmi is a daggering QUEEN, she loves it

How to RUIN .....SEX

We all know Smexxxing is fun, its lovely, its amazinglyyyy especially when your in that moment but theres things that can KILL that moment, you know like a little clash, think of the apocalpse.YUP!

When giving head never say the word "deepthroating" "ahh babe do you like me deepthroating yah?" it will CLASH,because you CANNOT use that word as a continuous verb and its just weird.just shurrrup and suck that banana.eurghhhhhh. btw: I WILLL NEVER GIVE ANYONE HEAD, i was just advising you girls.

NEVER in anyform use food as a prob during sex because knowing me , ill just get bare distracted by the plantain and forgot about the buff guy that lying with me.Make you sure you find out what the girl is allergic before you starts feeding and stuff, she just MIGHT be lactose intolerant or allergic to wheat, haha imagine that.Killing ure gyal whilst you were just making a romantic gesture.

Ohh a family member dying or just just found out ure dad is in hospital just become your about CLIMAXXXXXX , is a PARRRR,bcuz if you did eventually cum knowing ure family member was in hospital,you'd feel guilty, well i would.

I actually hate the idea of roleplaying, i actually got a b in gcse drama soo it wouldnt be a problem,but the worst would be roleplaying with a girl who BAREE SHITT at acting and she's like "DOOO YOU WANT ME TO DOCTORING URE COCK or something crap like that* in a shitty russian slash nigerian accent. PARGAS!

NEVER CRY during sex,ahhhh, ok, its an exception its ure first time and you FEEL like a car is being push into you and FOR GUYS# if you cry i will slap you!

I would actually CRINGGGEEEE if everything was going great and stuff and all i heard was " YEAHH NIGGGAAA I WANNA FUCKK U UP THE ARSE,U FUCKING BITCHH,etccc" ermmm pls dont i know its romanticand aparently acceptable to be sexist and a teeny weeny bit racist during a BANG! but if you call me a nigga or a bitch i WILL SHANK YOU with a plantain #fact

Ps: never shit on a girl thinking ure romantic, have sex during her periods(if u were a vampire),START begging her to wipe with a frying pan or belt(BECAUSE you will regret it after the sex)


Soo you get me funmi aka actually a mindless optismist..maybe a teeny bit naive but an optismist.i NEVER EVER get angry or moody but theres certain things that make me tick and kinda throw me of my edge

1. NEVER EVER DISSS SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, just because his a mindless optismist that doesnt mean his worth all ure angst and NO his not GAY, i do know his makes out and stuff with patrick but according to adele, his bi-curious. end of.

2.m a sharing person with food and stuff but when it comes to my PLANTAIN, im like fahhkkk off, soo when im eating my plantain. DO . NOT. TOUCH.IT,i will swiitch and thump in the face, actually i wont because i cant really fight but i WILL cry.

3. EDHARDY, im soooorryyy but please Dont wear edhardy everything, like edhardy hats,Ehardys underwear,EDhardy hats,etc, you get my point, you just look RUDEEECULOUSSSS and NO! you dont have "SWAGG" please stop using that word or saying you have swagger, after you were asking me for lunch money yesterday!!

4. WHITE GUYS WHO TRY TO MOVE ME by saying "i's grow up with black people innit"(that ACTUALLY HAPPENED) in which his dad is some any next oil tycoon but he still lives in a shoreditch squat with his BAITTT fixed gear mates who JUST happen to dj. BIG UP!

5. If you dont like tea, thats good on you, JUST KEEP IT URSELF!!! as it could damage any future relations me and you my have,because im a loyal pg tip drinker and it actually saddens me when i see people who actually hate tea and its even worse when they are BRITISH! O_O


I actually adore model Sasha Pivovarova, she's actually soo adorable, sometimes i feel like she should replaced my teddy whose name i have yet to come up with. This spread was for interview magazine and photographed by Craig Mcdean!
ahhhi would LOVE to see a squat as white as this.PLEASE me a squat that looks like heaven and i will give you some fufu,hah i joke.fufu is gross!


Yes i know its a bit BAIT doing this post but last week its started and the new series of skins started(series 4 to be precise) was actually good. soo all y'all haters, give the show a chance(in my fake big black woman american accent)
thas wassup! ohh i need to have a drink now but yes! EVERY THURSDAY. E4! watch it or just use the magically form of youtube.okies?? cool.