bashing the bishop,wax the weasel,choke the sheriff, wanking,jerking off,pulling ones todger,playing with ones joy stick,wacking out a few, making milk ETC
apart from all the myths about Masturbation, going blind...seeing jesus...growing hair on your palms. There is nothing worng with experimenting with your body and knowing what you like also if megan good is on telly with her extremely pert plums why not wack out a few? its not like jesus is gonna disown you ,after all he never had a wife or lady friend (apart from mary Magdalene ,but hey lets not get into conspiracy theories here)
if you don't have a girl friend or boyfriend and ARE NOT having promiscuous sex and you are not touching yourself , i really don't know what to say to you, you might as well just slit your wrists now and swallow that bottle of mr muscle.
what's wrong with you?
is it Fear; do you think your peers will judge you? NO they are probably wanking three shades of pink into there willy as you sit and deliberate about how "dirty it makes you feel"
are you scared that jesus would look down on you ? well then you are a fool because if he's in heaven like the story says, then he will always be looking down on you! FACT
when you get into these situtations its like WWJD? well I'll tell you what he would do.
he would be jerking off so hard that your four walls will be painted with cum
you don't want to hurt yourself; don't worry the only way you could possible ruin any of your chances in having your own spawn of flies, is if you attack yourself with a machete or get head from a fire breather. OUCH i remember David *nostalgia* just start of with a lubricant (do not use Vaseline if you know that what you cream yourself with,water based is the best) and the rest will follow, remember your body needs to release all this tension.whatever you do, DO NOT USE THIS
the theory: if more people wanked there would be less mental wankers in the world .FACT!
P.S your mum already knows ,stop leaving your used tissues under the bed, its simple just WASH YOUR HANDS
P.P.S you might need music and this has the "sex beat"